During the past two weeks I have had such tunnel vision - focusing solely on my school work and my relationship with Adam. I find that when I emerge from periods of such business and intensity in my life, I have a lot of processing to do! (Does this happen to anyone else?) I think a lot of this happens because I am an introvert, but I think that I also don't allow myself to process my life as it is happening because I tell myself I can't afford to spend the time or energy on "that" until later. It inevitably catches up with me. :)
Today at church God really spoke to me. I have realized I have some deep feelings of hopelessness and lack of perspective right now. As you know, Adam is hoping to move out to Colorado some time in the next few months, but he can't do so until he has a job. He has had several good conversations with people regarding job possibilities, but it seems like nothing practical has come of any of the work he has done. I think that on Friday, as I was finally able to start winding down from the past two weeks, I realized that this lack of progress, so to speak, is really wearing on me. In a conversation with my mom I said "Why should I hope for anything, because what if it doesn't happen?" I've really been wondering the last two days if it is worth it to keep hoping. The more I think about it, the less I want to go on without Adam in my daily life. He is one of my closest companions and I really am looking forward to a life with him. Anyway, I digress, but this weight is something I came to church carrying this morning.
I have found that when I come to worship with expectations, God does not always choose to speak to me right away, but today He totally reminded me about my hope in HIM. Apart from what Adam does to pursue job leads in Colorado, independent of when he can move here, and regardless of anything else that could happen in my life - my hope is in Jesus Christ, and my purpose is in Him. I was brought to tears by this realization this morning - such a gentle, compassionate message from a God who loves me infinitely and who will never leave me.
Please pray for me! Whatever the Spirit lays on your heart about Adam, me, our relationship, and job possibilities for Adam. Thank you in advance for praying with all the saints on behalf of your brothers and sisters in Christ.
